Our writing staff is generally either spazzed out on caffeine or blacked out on a couch. Either way, they smell funny and only occasionally meet deadlines.
Please keep a safe distance and do not feed them human food.
Writers:
Luciano:
Luciano spent his formidable years impersonating a chicken in a poorly conceived sideshow called Colonel Pander’s Hairless Chicken. He spent most of his time in a man-sized chicken coop reciting lines from popular B-movies; visitors from all over the land came to witness what was ultimately only a mildly impressive party trick.
When it was discovered that Luciano was, in fact, not a chicken and that Colonel Pander was actually an escaped convict named Tony Dumpchuckit, young Luciano was sent to a reform school called the Freaktown Institute for Better Learnedness, where he would forget his dastardly past and eventually discover the magical power of the written word.
This is also when he met those bastards Brian and Jorge.
Luciano went on to graduate from college with a degree in Mono-Syllabic Management. He co-founded a short-lived publication called the Freakly World Report, which consisted mostly of photo manipulations involving canned meat. Reuniting with his friends Brian and Jorge, Luciano helped them to first create the alternative teen magazine FREAKS before co-founding the online hub of all that is cool - WICKED PENGUIN.
Jorge:
Very little is known of Jorge’s first five years of existence. Some say he was raised by a pack of caffeine-addicted spider monkeys on the lamb, while others report that he was the product of a genetic experiment involving famed professional wrestler Rich “The Kick” Knickerbocker; one this is sure: Jorge’s true origins remain a mystery.
A six year old Jorge was discovered bathing in a pot of lukewarm coffee in the breakroom of local supermarket Shop, Drop, & Save. He was taken into custody soon after. With a predilection for caffeinated beverages, he became Freaktown’s youngest coffee barista, serving espressos and lattes with a speed and agility unseen in the modern world.
Jorge’s adoptive parents sent him to the Freaktown Institute for Better Learnedness, where he pursued and obtained a dual degree in Aural Audacity and Public Salutations. He quickly became friends with a pair of ne’er-do-wells named Brian and Luciano, with whom he co-wrote the teen magazine FREAKS before co-founding that nexus of awesomesauce - WICKED PENGUIN.
Brian:
Every gang has it’s badass. Every group of friends has it’s tough guy. Every rose has it’s thorn.
Brian is none of these things.
Even less is known about Brian’s childhood. In fact, there are no public records of his existence until he appeared, mid-semester, as a student at the Freaktown Institute for Better Learnedness. As it was easier to simply allow him to sit in on classes and lectures than to figure out exactly where he came from or where to send him, the Dean decided to allow Brian to pursue a degree in International Indifference.
Brian co-wrote the teen magazine FREAKS with fellow socially inept classmates Luciano and Jorge; his contribution came largely in the adequate dotting of letters and deletion of extra period marks. He also co-founded the center for all things ultra cool - WICKED PENGUIN.
